So you want to own a castle

Last week was fall break at Sciences Po. Since there's no Thanksgiving in France, the break is planned around Toussaint (All Saints' Day). Toussaint is a very reflective holiday in France, usually celebrated by a visit to the cemetery to lay flowers on graves and an evening church service. Schools originally started giving off a whole week though, because the first week of November is also potato harvest time, so everyone had to head to the fields.

Mike and I took advantage of the holiday to head to the Loire Valley, land of châteaux and wine. 

Here's a compilation of châteaux pictures. Click to enlarge.

Clockwise from top left: Saumur, Amboise, Blois, Chenonceaux, Chambord, Cheverny,
Chambord (again), and Azay-le-Rideau.

Seeing all of these amazing buildings only increased our desire to live in a châteaux. While we're still working on saving up the money for that, we did get a taste of the lifestyle when we stayed at the Château de la Bourdaisière for one night. 

The Château de la Bourdaisière dates back to the 15th century. It now operates as a hotel.

We stayed in the Eleanor of Aquitaine room.

Naturally, all of this time spent in castles made us wonder if we had what it takes to be princess and prince (or at least counts or dukes!). We learned a few things along the way, and we'd like to share our tips with you and all others aspiring to live in a French castle one day.

1. Location, location, location

Your castle's position is important as a matter of strategy. We suggest locating your castle on top of a cliff overlooking a river. Being on the river gives you access to trade. But it also gives you access to anyone so foolish as to invade your town by boat. Just set your archers on them!

An excellent surveying position. (Chinon)

An alternative strategy is to actually build your castle on the river. No ships will pass this way. (Chenonceau)

Perfect location for fending off intruders. (Amboise)

It ain't no Viking ship, but it's best to be safe.

2. Fleurs-de-lis

Everywhere. Put fleurs-de-lis everywhere. This is the calling card of French royalty.

Available in wallpaper (Blois)

Also comes in stained glass (Amboise)

3. Pick a mascot

Find an animal that will symbolize your benevolent reign over the kingdom. Put it everywhere that you haven't put the fleurs-de-lis, and especially over fireplaces. Mascots already claimed include the salamander, the ferret, and the porcupine (kings François Ier, French queens, and Louis XII respectively) 

Fear the salamander!

4. Gold lettering

Just in case people didn't get the message that this is YOUR castle and you are in charge, put your initials in gold everywhere. With a crown on top so they know that don't forget you're royal.

All over the walls!

All over the ceilings!

5. And pictures!

All of this symbolism and lettering is great, but most of your subjects are illiterate. Commission flattering portraits and sculptures of yourself and place them strategically throughout your domain.

This lovely fire is provided to you by Catherine, queen of France.

6. Pamper your guests and yourself

Being a king/queen/duke/duchess is hard work. You're going to need plenty of ways to unwind. May we suggest billiards, the favorite game of French kings?

This is a 15th-century billiards table. It looks exactly like that one at the old pool hall by your house.

Queens have a lot of jewelry, which you can stash away in this snazzy chest.

There are more drawers cleverly hidden away.

Or perhaps gardening is more your fancy?

This is mostly here because I fell in love with the floral decorations at Chenonceau.

Whatever you choose, you're going to be exhausted after a long day as king/queen/duke/duchess, so pick a nice and comfy bed.

In the 15th century, most people sat sitting up because they were afraid of choking on their own tongues in their sleep. 

7. Keep a few pets

Peacocks, dogs, deer, and stray cats all love châteaux. Keep them around as your first subjects.

His royal highness Duke Peacock at Valençay.

Good luck! When you close on your first castle, don't forget to invite us to visit. We make excellent house guests.



Disclaimer: This blog post provides only general information about owning a castle and does not, under any circumstances, constitute royal advice. You should not act or refrain from acting based on these materials without first obtaining the advice of your Minister of Royal Affairs. We are not responsible for, and make no representations or endorsements with respect to your potential for being beheaded by angry peasants or 18th-century revolutionaries. Rule at your own risk.